Cainan: Definitively

A bit over 2 years ago.. my dad died.
I met my dad when i was 11. He and my mother parted ways in what i have come to call the Terrible Bifurcation.
Each side of my family swears to a completely different version of history. But in the end, I was fatherless until i was 11. In that time he had remarried, and had two other children. I started spending alternating summers and spring breaks visiting, and learning what a father was like.

Yup. this is a movie review.
I know what you are thinking:
"man.. that movie is sooo 15 years ago..."
True. And oh God do i wish i was still in the minority who's mind was unperverted by this movie.
Again.. you are thinking: "But.. Mystikite.. The movie wasn't THAT bad.. it was cheesy, sure.. but you must admit it had some humor value"

I told a friend tonight that if it wasn't for regret, i wouldn't know i was alive.
Its with me all the time, i just don't notice it when i keep busy.
But if i stop long enough to listen, its there. a counterpoint to my heartbeat.
thrum. regret. thrum. regret.

I Dream.
Those who know me, know this isn't a nice thing.
It seems so seldom that i have the inconsequential dream,
happy, fun, bright. No, my dreams always seem to be dark warnings from my subconcious.
Fears manifest about those I love. I've never had one of these dreams about someone i didn't love.

Lately I've had dark dreams, and they have carried over to dark moods waking.
I feel like I'm walking around looking out at everyone through bubbled glass.
And so i feel insubstantial. if at any moment the wind stirs, i might blow away.

It is very dark. You are likely to be eaten by a narrative device.

Despite my best efforts, it appears that upon my next move,
the grues will indeed have gotten me.

Nothing to do, except start from square one again.

When I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my fears to keep.
for the courage to face the day
and for hope to guide my way.
The dreams that come, Strength to fight
And arms to shelter me through the night.

I just don't care. that's what I've realized recently.
I just can't be bothered to be motivated to outraged indignation, nor
morally self-righteous propaganda pushing.

I see people with this Cause or That Cause plastered across their cars, wear the Cause-Awareness bracelet flavor of the day/week/month, or spouting their political views, and i just can't seem to feel the motivation to join them.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in causes, i have political and religious views.

Its been awhile since i updated my blog.

There are 2 new additions to the house now, Sally and Gazebo.
(Gazebo's full name is The Dread Gazebo)
On what appears to be the results of a caffeine induced lack of judgment,
These two clawed cuties were obtained along with food, litter *shudder*,
and two nice healthy ..respiratory infections.

Every morning on my way to work, i hear a radio ad by a QUACK chiropractor.
One of those guys who advertises that 'a properly aligned spine will allow God's healing energies to work in the body'.

What. A. Load. of. CRAP.

This guy is pandering his crap to the gullible, and worse dragging God into it as an explanation why his fondling your spine will suddenly 'heal' you.

Yesterday morning (3:30ish am), Jennifer gave me a call to let me know they were on their way to the hospital. About time! I ran to the hospital, and took Bill home to finish sleeping at my house. Grace(Sarah Grace Bolton) was born at 8:30ish (don't expect more precise times from me. i wasn't there, or awake when it happened) She's a beautiful baby.. oh.. who am I kidding.. like all newborns, she was a wrinkled lil red-faced prune. beautiful nonetheless, but everyone said she looks like a red tomato.